As an introvert, I have always been inclined to arrive at preset engagements early. It allows me time to assess the situation and environment. I get the privilege of avoiding wandering in late and being the centre of attention momentarily. I get to sit alone and take in the environment, listen to the ambient background noises and people’s conversations, feel the rain on my skin and watch the leaves blowing in the wind, and people watch – one of my favourite activities. I enjoy the quiet one-on-one conversation with whoever arrives next to the venue in question.
It is in these moments of quietness I get to ponder things like for 10 billion years, the universe has been in existence without bothering with the definition of time and then now all of a sudden it matters immensely. We all have those friends that are always consistently late to everything. You have to admire the consistency of their lateness and at some point I’m sure all of us have wondered is there someway to calculate how late that person will be?
I’ve done the calculations. Today we are calculating Bishop Standard Time (BST). Named after the offending party who is consistently late to everything.
This is an atomic clock. A clock device that uses an electronic transition frequency in the microwave, optical, or ultraviolet region of the electromagnetic spectrum of atoms as a frequency standard for its timekeeping element. For the purposes of this experiment, we shall keep time as it is currently defined, and calculate Bishop Standard Time relative to Greenwich Mean Time +10 hours (as is the current time in Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia).
From what I can ascertain, the following constants and variables appear crucial to calculating BST:
Bishop Standard Time (BST) = Time decided upon for rendez vous + C. Where C is a constant calculated thus far:
- Add Pi 3.14 x Moon’s Gravitational Pull (1.622 m/s²).
- Add 90s if Tour de France is on presently.
- Add current wave height estimation at Dixon Park calculated in feet (from the back of the wave) i.e. 2 ft = 2 minutes additional.
- Subtract number of caffeinated beverages already likely consumed today by offending party with 1 coffee equalling 1 minute.
- Multiple by 90% if bacon is on the menu at said rendez vous establishment.
BST = GMT + 10h + ( (3.14 x MGP) + TdF + WvDPh – nC8H10N4O2 ) x B90% )
It’s 1:35pm, we are meeting at Saluna at 2pm for late breakfast, tour de France starts next week, current wave height 2 ft, 2 cofffees consumed, bacon is likely
BST = 2pm + (5.09308 + 0 + 2min + 2min x 90%)
= 2:08pm + 18s
Et voila! Obviously you have to make you own calculations based on your friends nuances, but the process is simple enough. Yay science! And maths.