The War against Cockatoos rages on in Kotara. In the trees overlooking Officeworks, night after night, thousands of Cockatoos flock to their home base of operations. This separatist movement of rogue birds are squawking and cackling as they continuing plotting world domination, in their ongoing quest to form an independent bird-based economy, free of humans involvement, known as Cockatopia*. Who’s going to stop them? You!?
Rumour has it they are already bilingual, speaking both ‘Cockatese*’ and now ‘Bogan’, picked up from flyin over Windale and Toronto (phonetics: Tron-no). Who hasn’t been in the presence of a caged Cockatoo, bouncing up and down, squawking jibberish until you turn away momentarily only to hear the bird sounds out something much too close to “You F$%^kin C%nt”. Soon they will have mastered English, and then the Opal Card system, then the stock market, finally world politics and it’s GAME OVER. Forget the singularity and global warming. The single greatest theat to humanity come in the form of loud, white, feathered demons.
Gaze into the eyes of the beast, see the darkness in it’s soul, hiding behind that flamboyant and unnecessary yellow hat. Know your end is nigh. So what’s our best line of defense? The Common Indian Myna birds are already holding their own at the frontlines with fearless veracity. Kookaburra’s, those larrikin comedians, are too busy laughing at the world to make a difference. Galahs are pretty much useless, end of story. Finally, our greatest weapon, The Magpie, continues to be distracted by Bicycle Helmets, and only works in Spring, so the rest of the year we are stuffed.
*The names “Cockatopia” and “Cockatese” have not been universally accepted and are up for debate, due to potential for double entendres, thus undermining their significance