Newcastle is the latest area afflicted by the global Parkrunism epidemic. Parkrunism (also known as Parkrunism’s Disease) is a contagious and progressive neurological condition that affects people from all walks of life from baby’s in pram, to kids, adults and the elderly with an unhealthy association with running.
Parkrunism’s Disease Symptoms:
Parkrunism is categorised by clinicians as a “movement disorder.” The main symptoms include:
- Running for approximately 5km in a giant circle
- Unnecessary running for running sake
However it doesn’t just affect movement. Non-motor symptoms include:
- Obsessive gibberish language talking about ‘Milestones” and “PB’s”
- Unnatural cravings for Baked Uprising Bread and Cafe Inu Coffee (symptoms vary from suburb to suburb)
- Involuntary motor and verbal tics, usually raising encircled fingers in rings around one’s eyes, followed by a loud audible Wooting sound
- An overwhelming desires to talk about Parkrunism and post selfies of Parkrunism on social media
What causes Parkrunism?
Currently there is no known cause of understanding of why a person develops Parkrunism. There are many theories as to the causes and it is generally thought that multiple factors are responsible. Through research, our understanding of the possible causes of Parkrunism is increasing all of the time. This diagram should help explain the pathophysiology of Parkrunism.
There is currently no known cure. However, there are many treatments available that can allow a person with Parkrunism to lead a fulfilling and productive life. Treatments involve weekly release of accumulated symptoms, always on a Saturday morning at 8am, with additional extra training releases throughout the week as required. There are currently 7 available treatment centres in the Hunter Valley as outlined in the map below.
As the disease progresses, the symptoms worsen. The photo below depicts end-stage Parkrunism suffereres showing the classic “Wooting” involuntary tic sign. Tragic. So very tragic. Help support these poor individuals through the Wooters Runners support page.