Promising new medical advances in the exciting area of Exfoliating and Caffeinating by Fortune 500 Company “Scrubba Body“. Based out of Newcastle, Australia, this humble cosmeto-caffeination company is set to revolutionise the world.
Most humans wake up to the labourious task of having to exfoliate their skin with their morning shower followed by a pain staking effort in order to extract precious, precious caffeine from roasted beans via all manner of archaeic and elaborate means. All of this effort purely so they can looks amazing and function at their meaningless and useless jobs.
Thankfully with Scrubba Body’s patented “Dual Acting Desquamation and Transdermal Caffeine Delivery Technology”TM, you can now simply exfoliate with Scrubba Body Coffee Body Wash whilst delivering the much needed caffeine in only a matter of seconds. Just think of all the time you’ll save with which you could use to buy things you don’t need to help build up your crippling credit card debt yet having no lasting effects of your worsening despair and melancholia.
Now I’m no Scientitician or Rocket Surgeon, but I’m pretty confident this complicated diagram below wasn’t just photoshopped up by some idiot, just now, and clearly demonstrates the effectiveness of Scrubba Body Coffee Body Scrub in turning useless roasted coffee beans into happy smiling face emoji skin.
Here’s a quote from the Scrubba Body official Facebook page.
“Our Original coffee body scrub has all the right ingredients to buff away dead skin & encourage rejuvenation. Used once or twice a week, it will help reduce the appearance of cellulite, stretch marks, psoriasis, eczema & other skin conditions, while leaving you feeling silky smooth. #imascrubba”
And who doesn’t love silky smooth caffeinated skin? Just look how happy Scrubba Body Coffee Body Scrub made these people feel:
And this woman eating a small plain salad, she’s delighted.
Thank you Scrubba Body, you have just made the world a little bit better for all of us.
Here’s some related articles about Coffee brewing that are now made utterly useless, due to this revolutionary technology:
- What’s the Difference Between Iced Coffee and Cold Brew? (news.health.com)
- Craft Coffee 101 – Now You Are the Barista (bestcoffeeforyou.com)
- Brewing the Perfect Morning Cup with Big Shoulders Coffee (chiorganicgirls.com)
- Learning to Make Perfect Coffee with Chef’s Limited French Press (heartfeltbalancehandmadelife.com)