Stemming from my recent post on the spectacular BottleMate, and still with the taste of a wet sandwich in my mouth, I’m pondering my ongoing confusion with craft beer. I just picked up a $50 six-pack of Cheeky Knees Jolly Goblin Organic Hoppapotamus Turkish Pale Ale and I’m left wondering, have craft beer names gone too far? Here’s the internet’s answer to the Best, Worst and Blurst Craft Beer Names. With my approval ratings for each name.
A classic pun, classy reference. 8/10.
I see what you did there. Respectable 6/10.
Now sure this beer actually exists. But can’t stop picturing Flanders. 5/10.
Flying too close to the truth and reminding us that alcohol fuelled domesteic violence is a serious issue. 4/10.
Sexism is funny. False. 0/10.
Paedophillia is funny. Also FALSE. -5/10.
Linking alcohol to mortality. I can respect that. 5/10. That’s a pass.
Beer = Fail. True. 3/10.
Is the redheaded fellow being tossed, or does he toss stuff, or is he a tosser. I’m confused. 2/10.
Punny. Crude. Well illustrated. The artistic features of the drawn hop are impresive, you can tell the hop is enjoying it. Her hand position looks more like a tickle than the implied crudeness. Everyone likes tickling. Points lost for sexism. 6/10.
Simple. Funny. Well drawn. It’s a winner 9.5/10. DING DING DING.
Drinking animal saliva is not pleasurable. I award you no points.
Sexist. May be true. British. 3/10.
Starting to see that Sex and Sexism appeals to drunken beer swilling clients. Date rape is not funny. 0/10.
Polygamy. Witty slogan – “Why have just one”. I respect your choice for Polyamourousness, if you so desire. Points for positive sexually liberalisation. Points lost for encouraging binge drinking. 6/10.
Think this is a legitimate warning against the dangers of drinking. Like photos of cancer of cigarette packets. Respect for the truth. 5/10.
Points for bringing awareness to the plight of slave labour of little people in arctic regions. Elves do indeed look like they have ill intent. Choice of alcohol strengths. 8/10.
Interesting the BrewDog team have pulled off our most audacious and ambitious project to date, and smashed a world record in the process. On Thursday 26 November 2009, they set a new world record after creating the strongest beer in the world. Weighing in at an ABV of 32%, BrewDog’s ‘Tactical Nuclear Penguin’ beats the previous record of 31% held by German beer brand Schorschbraer. Ambitious alcohol content. Extra points for costume design. 7/10.